The story behind this goes way back. It's a long, tough story.
I believe everyone who starts writing does not write just for writing. They all have a purpose, a reason behind it.
Exclusively KOKO is not just a Name; it’s a story, a journey which is very personal and close to me.
Though I never spoke up about it to anyone except my two friends I trust, I think it's time I speak up and encourage everyone to speak up too. Because I know how it feels to keep everything to yourself, unsure of how to ask people for help or just how to open up to someone.
I didn't have a Great childhood. Filled with chocolates, sleepovers, love and laughter, No, It was different. But one thing I know is that it was all worth it and it made me the "ME" I am today.
I struggled. My childhood was full of toxicity. I had seen my parents fighting, shouting and abusing ever since I didn't even know what abusing was. I didn't know what was wrong. I didn't know how not to listen to their screaming and shouting. I didn't know how and why of all, I had to see this. I spent nights thinking of having a happy family someday, but it never happened. And it went worse when I grew up. My father was toxic to me, but we don't speak anymore. I was abused and I wanted answers. Answers to questions that should've never even arisen. It was hard seeing other kids happy, bragging about the perfect families they have while I still struggled to wake up every day and not feel sad, confused and go a day without seeing my family falling apart. Boys made fun of me in the school and joked around about me. They even body-shamed me for being skinny. They called me a "mice" when I decided to join judo classes and laughed at me for even thinking about joining judo. I broke out that moment. Something inside of me broke and I couldn’t control myself anymore. I struggled with loving myself. Their words struck deep into me and I was just 11 or 12 years old at the time just to mention. They everyday made me feel like I was nothing and that I can't do anything. It was hard, really hard keeping up with my school, my family, my friends and my personal relationships. I had random breakouts during the classes and at home. I spent nights crying myself to sleep and nobody ever noticed that. There was a point I was even suicidal and thought of giving up. I self harmed and thought nothing ever is going to get better. Every relationship I had, be it my parents, friends or romantic relationships, I failed all of them, Or maybe they failed me. I went Through everything alone, people might have tried to be there for me but at the end of the day, It was just me.
But then again, No matter how long a night is, there is always a Bright, New Day after it.
One day, A year ago I decided i do not want any of this anymore. I was tired of pretending to be happy. I decided I still have a life ahead of me and it will be nothing like the past 15 years. I'm 16 now. And even though i might some times struggle with the trauma, I find reasons to be happy at the end of the day.
I decided to put myself above everyone and never take shit from anyone anymore. I decided to be "Exclusively" Me regardless of people's opinions of me. I decided to own myself and be proud of it.
KOKO is my nickname given to me by my best friend who i met a year ago. He changed the way i see myself. He showed my how beautiful and how worthy of love I am. He loved me and was there for me when i needed it the most. That's why the name given by him contains my heart.
The purpose behind this Website Blog Exclusively KOKO is way deeper than it seems. It's a step forward by me to creating my own place in this world and doing what I love. It's not just another Website providing fashion tips and guides, It's an attempt To show that everyone is capable and everyone can be what they want to be regardless of their struggles and journey.
And to everyone who read my story, I choose myself and i want you to choose You Too. I want you to Stand up, speak up and never look back now. I want you to not let anything hold you back and Move forward. I want you to love yourself and Live for yourself.
I'm From India, a sixteen year old who loves to paint, write, read, travel, eat, Dance, act and Most Importantly, To live. I love myself and I've got big plans. Ambitious, Funny, sensitive and strong pretty much describes me perfectly. And I promise this is not the last time y'all are seeing me :)
I hope i inspired you all some how. I'm personally here for all of you who feel like there's no one they can rely on. You can always reach out to me personally through mail or my personal Instagram or Twitter
Also, feel free to share this with anyone who you think is struggling and would feel inspired with my story.
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